


Don’t Fight For Me / Please Fight For Me

by DearEvanHansen, Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder, Thiscouldbegayer



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, And other powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Be more chill referenced, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not a Crossover, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Social Media, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicide Attempt, We will add tags as needed, and warnings for bad chapters, but not a crossover - Freeform, its happy we promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 16:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearEvanHansen/pseuds/DearEvanHansen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder/pseuds/Dying_Is_Easy_Living_Is_Harder, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thiscouldbegayer/pseuds/Thiscouldbegayer
Summary: They had always been best friends, but Jared knows something Evan doesn’t.  Evan and Jared are soulmates, and Jared is afraid of telling him because he will never be good enough… Or will he?





	1. Prologue (I’m The Perfect Stranger Who Knows You Too Well)

_~ 13 Years Ago ~ (Jared’s POV)_

A new boy transferred into Jared’s class today. He’s short and a little chubby with blond hair and blue-green eyes that Jared thought looked like one of the shiny stones on his mom’s favorite necklace. When the teacher made him introduce himself he seemed terribly uncomfortable.

They were in gym now, and the new kid--Evan--Jared reminds himself, was playing around with a few other kids. Jared approaches them cautiously, he didn’t really get along with the other kids too well. They thought he was weird.

The new kid--Evan--immediately stops and stares at him, blinking owlishly.

“Hi.”

Jared’s just about to respond when one of the other kids jumps between them. “D’ ya wanna play wi’ us?”

He nods happily, glad to be included. The girl goes about explaining the rules to the game and Jared nods along, excited to start playing.

However, he gets distracted by Evan messing around in the background. The younger boy falls over and his shirt rides up, revealing a mark right beneath his ribcage. Jared would know that mark anywhere. He had it’s twin, in almost the same spot. Something keeps him from saying anything though.

He just tunes back into the girl explaining the instructions, trying to figure out what all he missed.

_~ ten years ago ~_

“You can’t treat us like this!” His mom’s hushed voice carries through the door.

“Like what?!” His dad sounds more angry than confused, which is not a good sign. Jared knows from experience that when his parents get like this that one of them--normally his dad--will storm out soon.

“Like you couldn’t give a flying fuck about us!”

Something slams and it makes Jared jump up from his spot across from their door.

“That’s not true and you know it!”

“Do I? I used to ‘know’ we were soulmates but we both know that’s not true anymore!”

Jared can’t help his quiet gasp at the accusation. His parents never talked about not being soulmates when they were fighting.

“It’s not my fault I was born with a faded mark!” His dad’s voice is defeated. He’s never sounded like that before.

“Are you saying it’s mine?!”

His dad sighs harshly. “This just isn’t working out. We’re not soulmates anymore. My mark changed and yours is gone. I’ll have all my stuff out by this weekend.” The voice is moving towards the door now and Jared jumps up and runs for his room.

A few moments later there’s a knock on his door. Jared jumps on his bed and faces the wall, feigning sleep. The door clicks open and he forces himself to be relaxed.

“I know you’re not asleep,” his mother’s voice is soft, nothing like it had been moments ago. He rolls over, looking for any trace of the fight on his mother’s face. Her eyes were tired, and the lines between her eyebrows seem a little deeper than before, but other than that she looks normal.

“Jared, baby, how much of that argument did you hear?” She sits next to him on the bed, running her fingers through his hair.

He sighs before answering, “most of it…”

“So you know already.”

“What did dad mean, you’re not soulmates anymore?” Jared thought soulmates were forever. He thought that they were supposed to make things better. They were supposed to take all the hurt away, not create it.

“Well, some people are born with these faded marks, Evanesces, they’re kind of stuck. They don’t have a ‘soulmate’ like people like you do.” She pats his side where the acorn was. “These people, these Evanesces if they do certain things, the mark becomes more pigmented, darker, and they become true soulmates. But if they don’t do them, the mark could change or disappear completely. That’s what happened between your dad and I.”

“Oh,” Jared says softly, trying to process it all.

“If you want, I can call Aunt Heidi and see if you can stay with her and Evan for a few days.” She brushes back his hair again as he nods. “Okay, I’ll go call her, just a second.” She kisses him on the top of the head before standing and leaving him alone. Jared looks to the landline next to his bed, wondering if his mom was going to call Aunt Heidi’s phone or their house phone.

After a moment of debate he picks up the receiver and dials a number he knows almost as well as his own. After a few rings a familiar voice answers, “Hello?”

“Evan,” Jared sounds more relieved than he thought it would.

“Hey Jared! How are you?” Evan’s voice is so chipper that Jared almost lies.

“Dad’s moving out,” he finally says, chewing on his lip as he waits for Evan to reply.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Do you know anything about soulmates?” Jared knows his taking a risk asking. He knows more about soulmates now, which means that he knows that he’s doomed Evan simply by existing.

“Only a little. Mom tries to talk to me about it, but I know it bothers her, so we don’t.” After years of speech therapy, Evan’s words came through the phone loud and clear. Growing up, he’d had a slight lisp, and it made Jared smile. He’d always thought that Jared was making fun of him, but he’d always assured Evan that he would _never_ make fun of the other boy. He’d made the promise with all the gumption a six year old could.

“Oh, well, mom just told me something--about her and dad, kinda--and I was just wondering. Can normal marks fade?”

There’s a pensive silence on the other end, “I’m not sure. I’ve never heard of that. I can ask mom la--hold on.”

There’s talking in the background that Jared takes to mean his mom had gotten ahold of Evan’s mom.

“Mom says we’re coming to get you! She said you’re spending tonight and the entire weekend here! That’s so exciting! It’s like three nights of sleepovers!”

Despite himself, Jared smiles. “Y-yeah. I’ve gotta go so I can pack now. Bye Evan.”

“Bye Jared!” Evan’s voice is cheery as he hangs up.

_~ Eight Years Ago ~_

Jared and Evan were sitting at the back of the room, snickering together as they made fun of the lady giving the presentation on soulmates. Jared mocks her snooty expression, tilting his head back comically far so his nose was up in the air.

Evan laughs and Jared feels like he’s flying.

The lady at the front of the room clears her throat and they both blush before sobering up and facing the front again.

“Boys, can you tell me, what an Evanesce is?” She’s grinning gleefully, like she’s caught them out.

Jared smiles back at her smugly, “Well, _ma’am_ an Evanesce is a person who’s born with one or more faded soulmark and depending on the life-path they choose one or more of the marks may fade even more, eventually disappearing altogether.”

Her nostrils flare as she turns back to her presentation. “As the young man at the back said, Evanesces are people who have marks that fade depending on the choices they make in their lifetime. This is different from normal soulmates because those marks cannot fade. Does anyone know what else full-fledged soul mates can do?”

A girl at the front--Alana, Jared thinks her name is--raises her hand proudly. The teacher nods encouraging, smiling. “Soulmates can write to each other on their skin! If something is on your skin, your soulmate can see it! Be it scars, ink, bruises, anything like that.”

She speaks very formally, especially for a ten year old, and it makes Jared’s head spin slightly. It was almost exhausting to listen to her.

But, of course, mentioning to a room of fifth graders that they could write to their soul mate had them all searching for anything that could write on their skin. Evan turns to Jared with an excited grin as he digs through his bookbag.

Jared pulls a pen from his pocket and draws a small smiley on the palm of his left hand. He watches raptly as Evan stops what he’s doing and jerks his left hand out of his backpack, staring at it as if it was the eighth wonder of the world. He flings his arm in Jared’s direction.

“Ohmigod Jared! My soulmate wrote to me! Do you think this means they’re in this room?!” He scans the room excitedly and Jared’s heart breaks as Evan’s eyes sweep over him and land on a girl in the front row. He doesn’t know her name, but that doesn’t help ease his heart ache at all.

After an awkwardly long silence Jared realizes that he’d never responded. “This is great Ev! That’s so exciting!” His voice sounds fake, even to his own ears and it makes him cringe.

Evan doesn’t notice, too excited thinking about his soul mate. Jared sighs and decides that he can _never_ tell Evan that their soulmarks match. He deserves so much better. He couldn’t do that to the younger boy. He couldn’t hinder him with all of his issues and problems. Evan deserved some picture perfect romance with someone who could take care of him and would treat him right.

Before Jared could spiral further into despair, the teacher calls the room back to attention. “Does anyone know what other abilities soul mates have?”

The girl in the front raises her hand again, waiting patiently to be called on. The teacher nods at her and Jared hears the grin in her voice, “Soulmates can feel each other’s strong emotions and feel when the other is in danger. And once they’re fully bonded--my mommy won’t tell me what that means--they can hear thoughts that their soul mate sends them!”

Jared bites his lip. He wants that with Evan more than he wants anything else in the world. Which is saying a lot, because Jared’s been asking for the same lego set for his birthday and Christmas for the past three years. He resigns himself to wishing for something unattainable once again though, and starts playing with the pins on his backpack.

Evan nudges his shoulder against Jared’s, looking at him concerned. “Are you okay?”

Jared smiles at him tightly, “uh-huh. Just thinking about the unlucky person whose soul is chained to mine.”

“Oh, Jared.”

He hates when Evan says his name like that, it reminds him of his mom.

“They’re not unlucky. You’re like the coolest dude I know.” Evan grins and nods enthusiastically.

Jared just scoffs and faces forward again. The only way they were going to make it through this alive was if Jared started pulling away from Evan.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we are back with another Kleinsen fic (but we are sure you’ve already figured out already.) It’s gonna be pretty cute we think. This chapter features little snapshots from Evan and Jared’s lives growing up, just to get a little background.  
> And, as always, let us know what you think!


	2. It’s Times Like This I Wonder How I Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff & the heavy angst. (You have been warned)

_ ~ End of May or Early June, Before Senior Year ~ _

Jared was laying in his bunk at camp, avoiding the outdoors and the annoying younger kids when suddenly it felt like all the air had been sucked from his chest. An-100 pound weight of despair was crushing his chest. He was left gasping for breath, trying to ground and orient himself. 

He’d felt like this before, but it had never felt quite like his heart was being torn from his chest. It was a feeling that was not quite his own and strangely foreign. He’d learned over the years how to distinguish between his own feelings and Evan’s. He  _ felt  _ how much it hurt Evan when he called him a “family friend” and other horrible names Jared didn’t want to repeat.

This feeling that Jared was feeling now was a combination of several emotions. He’s only felt the danger alert only once, when he and Evan were 12 and Evan decided it was a good idea to try out Jared’s scooter and fell off and broke his leg. It had been awful for Jared, but this time it was worse. A suffocating mix of that danger feeling and something entirely new. It felt almost suicidal?

With a sinking feeling in his gut, Jared realizes precisely what he’s feeling. He’s up and out of his bunk in a few heartbeats, not really bothering with much except his car keys, wallet, and shoes. 

One of the counselors makes a noise of protest when he takes off towards his car but he just shouts “FAMILY EMERGENCY” over his shoulder without looking back. Thankfully, Evan was as much a creature of habit as Jared was, so he should be relatively easy to find. Jared parks his car in the gravel lot closest to the patch of trees Evan frequented. 

There wasn’t another car there, but that didn’t mean much, Evan didn’t drive, he walked everywhere. Jared calls for him, hoping beyond hope that he gets a response. The deeper into the grove of trees, the louder and more desperate his calls become. 

Finally, a weak voice answers. Jared follows the voice to the base of a large oak tree. At the base Evan was lying helplessly, his arm bent at an odd angle beneath him. Jared’s heart breaks. If only he had been here sooner. He squats at Evan’s head, and in a rare show of tenderness, brushes the other boy’s hair back. 

_ ~~~ _

Evan had nothing left, no one who loved him for who he was, no one to count on when he felt impossibly weak,  _ no one.   _ He felt so alone sometimes, so isolated because of his anxiety and inability to cope with normal human functions.  Hell, even the only person he considered a friend thought of him as a  _ family  _ friend, good for nothing more than earning him free car insurance.

Evan thought of his soulmate, who hadn’t contacted him since that health class lecture in 5th grade.  They probably figured out who he is, and don’t want anything to do with him because he’s a  _ freak. _  The word rung in his head like a siren, freak, that’s all he is, and that’s all he ever will be.

He had thought about how he could escape, making everything easier for everyone around him.  He thought about his father, Avan, who was so enchanted by his mother that he drew on a fake soulmark and convinced her that a freckle on her arm was a soulmark instead of her just not having a soulmate.  He thought about how Avan only left telling her the truth and breaking her when he realized what a fuck-up his son was.  Evan thought about how to make it better maybe cut himself a little too close to his jugular while shaving.  

But here Evan was climbing a tree, trying to get some air so he could maybe breathe again.  Evan loves how the tree stands there strong with purpose telling him he needs to grow.  There is a buzzing in his head that won’t stop, making his thoughts foggy and sort of out of focus.  He sometimes wishes he could just pause the noise of his head, it was always noisy, but now, now that his head was quiet, he had no peace.  The quiet is dangerous for people like him.   

Muffled thoughts swarm in his head along with the incessant buzzing, but one thought rings loud and clear ‘Don’t look down.’ So Evan doesn’t, he just keeps climbing until he can feel the sun on his face.  Then  _ SNAP  _ the branch breaks under him but Evan moves quickly he catches himself on a random branch and looks out at the sunset and over the grass.  ‘This wouldn’t be such a bad place to die.’ He thinks.   No one would miss him; he’d be doing everyone a favor.  So he lets go, and then he’s falling, and falling, and then he’s not anymore.  

Evan feels the pain spread through his body the focal point of it in his arm.  So he just lays there on the forest floor tears streaming down his face for, he doesn’t know how long.  It could have been seconds, minutes, even hours, but it felt like a lifetime.  

His vision goes blurry, and he’s almost asleep when he vaguely registers someone calling his name. 

“H-here!” Evan weakly responds.  He wants to say more, but he’s so tired.  Jared walks into his line of vision, and Evan just looks up so confused.  Why is Jared here?  Doesn’t he have camp?  Does he care?  But Evan doesn’t have time to ask these questions before he is hauled up and taken into the taller boy’s arms.

~~~

Jared’s not sure how exactly he managed to carry Evan to the car and get him into the front seat, but somehow he does. Then they’re driving to the hospital and Jared’s white-knuckling the wheel, glancing over at Evan every few seconds, babbling mindlessly about things that don’t matter in an attempt to keep the other boy awake. 

He pulls up in front of the ER and takes Evan in. Nurses are there, taking Evan out of his arms, away from him and through of set of doors he’s not allowed to follow. Belatedly, Jared realizes that he should call Heidi and let her know what’s happening. He dials a number that he still knows by heart, and he can’t decide if he wants her to answer or not. 

She doesn’t and he leaves a short but informative voicemail. They were at the hospital. Evan had broken his arm. He didn’t seem to have any other problems. He tells her who it is, as if there could be any question, before disconnecting and going to move his car from the drop-off point.

Waiting for someone to come and tell him something, anything, about Evan was gruelling. Logically he knew they wouldn’t disclose medical information to him, they couldn’t. But he just wanted to make sure Evan’s okay. That was all that mattered right now. 

The later it got, the more the emergency room filled up. Idly, Jared wondered at what point did people stop getting injured. There had to be some kind of limit because when he had been in the emergency room at three am with his grandmother it was empty. They had been the only people there. 

He’d been dozing on and off for several hours when they push Evan out and into the room where Jared was. He makes a noise of surprise at seeing Jared slouched in one of the crappy hospital chairs. 

Jared’s on his feet in an instant, eyes searching for Evan frantically, some of the tension leaving his frame when he sees that Evan’s awake and looking around. He mumbles something that Jared doesn’t understand. When he frowns and asks Evan to repeat what he said the nurse pushing his wheelchair clears her throat primly. 

“He’s on some pretty heavy pain meds, so he might say things that don’t make sense for a while. It’s also probably going to make him really drowsy.” She hands him a bag of papers and moves from behind the wheelchair so Jared could take over. “All of the information on his prescriptions and everything is in there. For the first few days, definitely make sure he gets a pain pill every four hours. And some calcium vitamins or something wouldn’t hurt either.” 

Jared nods and starts to push Evan’s wheelchair out and into the parking lot. The blond tries to twist around in his seat to look at him. The staring makes Jared marginally uncomfortable, but with Evan’s slightly loopy state, he decides not to mention it. 

Once he gets Evan loaded in the car, he calls Heidi and leaves her an updated voicemail, letting her know he was taking Evan to his house and he’d get the prescriptions filled and look after the other boy so she wouldn’t have to take off work or worry. Yeah. That was totally it. Totally non-selfish reasons for wanting to spend an entire weekend with Evan. 

On the way to Jared’s house they stop at a CVS to have Evan’s prescriptions filled. While they wait to be called back to the pharmacy to pick them up, Jared and Evan browse the aisles. Less than ten seconds after entering the toy aisle, Jared realizes that he’s made a mistake. Evan had gravitated towards a rather large display of beanie-babies and had picked up a lion and started mimicking it’s roar. 

“C’mon Ev, put the lion back, it’s almost our turn to get your stuff from the nice lady in the back.” The affectionate shortening of Evan’s name slips out and Jared wants to kick himself. Evan sticks out his bottom lip in a pout, holding the small toy up to his face. Like the weak bastard he is, Jared relents and tells Evan to bring the plush toy along on the condition that he stop pouting. 

The moment Jared tells Evan he’d buy the plush lion his pout disappears and he grins. Jared frowns at letting himself be so easily taken in, but if it makes Evan happy, he supposes that it’s worth it. 

They finally call Evan’s name at the pharmacy and when he notices he stops and looks around in wonder.  “Jare, Jare the lady in the ceiling knows my name.” He grabs Jared’s arm and looks up in slight concern. 

“That’s weird Ev. How do you think that happened?” His main plan right now was to keep Evan entertained by humoring him. So far it was working. Now he just needed Evan to sign for the prescription and they’d be homefree. Unfortunately, he wasn’t having any part in signing on the little screen. 

“Please Ev? They just want your autograph.” Jared grins and elbows him lightly while Evan frowns deeply at the woman behind the counter. 

“Fine.” He concedes, not taking his eyes off the woman the entire time. The result is a poorly scrawled scribble that’s not even mostly in the signature box, but the woman seems just as done with this as Jared is so she approves it and requests that Jared be the one to tell Evan he needed to let her scan the lion before they could take it. 

Jared holds up his finger in a ‘one second’ gesture before tearing the tag with the barcode off and handing it to her. The woman nods appreciatively while ringing up the order and telling Jared what steps to follow as he pays. Evan hadn’t even noticed him tear the tag off, being too engrossed in petting the lion’s mane. 

“Alright Ev, let’s go.” He steers the other boy out the door and back into the car, wisely avoiding the aisle with all the stuffed animals this time. 

Evan babbles incoherently to the stuffed lion the entire way to Jared’s house, asking it ridiculous questions that make no sense to Jared’s sober brain. 

“I missed your house,” Evan sighs when they pull into the driveway. 

Before he can stop himself Jared says, “I missed you being at my house.” 

The answering grin Evan sends his way makes it worth it as Jared grabs the bag from the backseat and opens the front door so Evan could walk in ahead of him. He hums when they go into Jared’s room, frowning while he looks around. 

“This looks… different… I don’t like it. Put back all the old pictures.” 

Jared’s walls used to be covered with pictures the boys had cut out of magazines one afternoon. His mom had found a bunch of car magazines at the used bookstore so she brought them home for the boys to have fun with. For the following years Jared’s walls had been pasted with different trucks and sports cars. Once they got into high school and stopped hanging out for the most part, Jared took all the pictures down, finding them an all too painful reminder of what he and Evan used to be like. 

“D’ ya’ think my soulmate felt it when I fell?” Evan asks, pulling Jared out of his thoughts. 

“I think so. They’re supposed to at least. Isn’t that what they told us in fifth grade?” 

“I dunno. I can’t remememember, wait that was too many. I dunno. You know what I mean.” Evan waves him away and collapses face first onto Jared’s mattress. 

“Up. You can’t sleep like that you won’t be able to breathe. And you need to take another pain pill soon.” Jared rolls Evan to his side, careful of his broken arm. 

“This sucks,” Evan huffs, trying, and failing, to cross his arms. 

“Believe me, I know. I’m sorry.” Jared looks at him sadly and it makes Evan squirm.

“Don’ look at me like that.” He commands grumpily.

Jared raises his hands in a gesture of surrender, “sorry, I won’t do it again.” 

Evan nods seriously before cuddling that stupid stuffed lion to his face and rolling over to his back. Jared gets his sleeping bag out of the closet, not wanting to share a bed with Evan for a number of reasons. The main reason being that he was worried about moving in his sleep and hurting Evan. 

Evan had dozed off while Jared was making himself a spot to sleep on the floor next to the bed incase Evan needed anything. He was just getting comfortable, or well, as comfortable as possible in a sleeping bag on the ground when Evan mutters something that catches Jared’s attention. 

“Please,” Evan’s voice sounds so broken that Jared wants to do whatever it is Evan’s asking for. Jared creeps closer, trying to figure out what Evan’s talking about. “Sign it…” he murmurs, frowning deeply in his sleep. “I--I need friends. At--at least pretend?”

Jared can only assume that Evan’s talking about his cast. He resolves to offer to sign it once the other boy wakes, not wanting him to feel like he didn’t have friends. Before he can think better of it, Jared’s reaching out and resting his hand on Evan’s arm softly. The other boy’s face smooths out and he sighs, rolling onto his side so his back was facing Jared. 

Jared sets an alarm on his phone for an hour and a half because that was when Evan needed to take his next dose of pain meds. With a sigh, he crawls into the sleeping bag and tries to find a way to lay that won’t make him stiff in the morning. 

It only vaguely registers that Heidi’s lack of response should concern him. Surely if there had been a real problem she would’ve gotten back to him. She worked so hard to be able to take care of Evan that she ends up missing out on a lot. Jared dozes off with that thought bouncing around his head. 

When his alarm goes off and he wakes up he’s confused for a number of reasons. One, he was on the ground, it takes a moment to recall the events of the day and why he was on the ground. Two, someone was breathing on his neck, and he distinctly remembered going to sleep alone in his sleeping bag. Three, or was it two-point-five, because someone--he looks down and is greeted by a familiar head of sandy brown hair--evan--was laying on top of him. So that explained the second one. But not why Evan was down here  on the ground with him. 

“Ev,” Jared says softly, trying to wake the other boy as gently as possible. “Ev, wake up, you have to take another pain pill.” 

Eventually Evan stirs, rubbing his eyes clumsily and looking up at Jared. His eyes seemed clearer now and part of Jared was glad for that. “Hi,” he greets, reaching for the bottle of pain pills and the water bottle on the night stand. “Here.” He hands them to Evan and watches expectantly as Evan obediently swallows the pill. 

“What’re you doing on the ground Ev?” Jared twists around to pop his back and cranes his neck to pop it. 

“I--I might’ve wantedtocuddlewithyou” Evan doesn’t pause between the words at all and Jared blinks slowly, figuring out what he said. 

“Okay, well it’s bad for you to sleep on the ground so I tell you what. I’ll move to the bed with you, but no more sleeping on the floor, okay?” He was going to regret this later. Fuck that. He was regretting this already. It was going to hurt like hell after Evan was better and he goes home. 

“Okay,” Evan agrees sleepily and he pulls Jared up and into the bed with him.

“Hey Ev, when we wake up again, do you want me to sign your cast?” Jared bites his lip and smiles at Evan shyly as his face lights up.

“Yes!” 

“Okay cool. I’m sure I have sharpies around here somewhere. I’ll find one in four hours when we get up so you can take the next pill.” He lays down and is surprised when Evan flings himself down on top of Jared’s chest, sighing contentedly. 

When Jared wakes up next time, it doesn’t seem like four hours had passed. The only indication that time was actually passing was the fact that there was no longer any light streaming through his blinds. He nudges Evan awake and off of him, going to his desk to search for a sharpie. 

“Hey Ev?” He waits to continue until the other boy makes a noise of acknowledgement. “What happened that you ended up on the ground?” 

Evan clears his throat awkwardly, “well, you see, I--I was climbing the tree, and then I--I just, er, I just fell.” 

“Jesus. What are you? An Acorn?” 

At the words Jared feels a sharp bolt of hurt make it’s home in his chest and he wants to take it back. He wants to shout that he’s sorry. That he didn’t mean it. Whatever fragile thing that had been growing between them and nurtured by Evan’s pain meds had disappeared. Jared thinks his heart might just be breaking. 

“An acorn?” Evan repeats softly. Jared jerks his eyes from the cluttered desk drawer to Evan. The calculating look on his face makes Jared’s blood run cold. He’d said too much. Just like always he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. Now Evan would know, and he’d be pissed at Jared, and he’d just ruined everything and hey! There’s a sharpie. 

Jared grasps it tightly, bringing it to the bedside table and handing Evan the water bottle and another pill before doing anything else. Hopefully drugged Evan wouldn’t be able to logic his way to the most logical conclusion. 

After a few moments Jared holds up the sharpie, silently asking if Evan still wanted him to sign the cast. Evan nods, holding out his arm. Jared writes his name in rather large handwriting, taking up most of the space so the blankness wouldn’t be too noticeable. If he and Evan were the perfect soulmates like Evan really deserved, Jared would doodle him a little acorn on his cast. 

But the weren’t perfect soulmates. They never would be. Because Jared was a fuck up and he wouldn’t do that to Evan. Evan deserved that perfect, fairy tale romance, and he sure as hell was not going to find it with Jared. 

He blinks back into reality, realizing that he’s been holding Evan’s arm this entire time and staring at it like it held all the answers to life’s greatest questions. Jared hurriedly releases his arm and retreats across the room under the guise of putting the sharpie away. 

When he tries to go back to the sleeping bag Evan makes a noise of protest and reaches down off the bed to grab his wrist and pull weakly at it. Jared concedes and joins Evan on the bed, trying to keep his heart from soaring too high when Evan cuddles up to him again. He tells himself to enjoy this while it lasted, because like everything else good in Jared’s life it would be finite. 

He sets another timer for four hours and lets himself fall back asleep. Luckily for both of them, he wasn’t having any trouble sleeping right now. If he was, getting up every four hours would be hellish, especially when it sometimes took him nearly that long--if not longer--to fall asleep in the first place. 

It’s still dark the next time Jared’s phone wakes them both up. They don’t speak as Evan takes the pill and waits patiently for Jared to reset his phone and lay back down. 

The fourth time his phone wakes them up there’s light streaming between the blinds and Jared still feels like it’s too early to be up. Evan must agree because he waits quietly for Jared to hand him the pill and the water bottle, reset the alarm on his phone and lay back down. 

As Jared’s drifting off Evan’s quiet voice pulls him back, “thank you.” 

All of Saturday follows this same trend, both boys catching up on some much needed sleep. Late saturday night Jared gets up with the alarm, claiming that Evan needed to eat something. He begrudgingly agrees, carrying the nearly empty water bottle with him as he follows Jared to the kitchen. 

Evan gave a coy smile to Jared as his last dose of pain meds kicks in, he pushes past Jared, and runs into the kitchen seating himself on the barstools at the other side of the island putting a barrier between himself and Jared.  He sticks his tongue out laughing and spins in the chair almost falling over if it weren’t for Jared’s quick sprint and pushing him back up on the chair. 

“Stop it, Ev! You’ll hurt your arm more.”  Jared tries to sound serious but he can’t keep the smile from his voice.

“Soooooo?” Evan says drawing out the ‘o’ vowel.

“Soooooo, you don’t wanna go back to the hospital, do you?”  Jared mocks Evan’s tone.

Evan pouts and Jared can’t help but think how cute he looks.   _ NO, stop it!   _ Jared stops his thoughts in their tracks.  He can’t be what Evan deserves, and he’s willing to put himself in some discomfort if it’s for the ultimate well-being of Evan.  

“What do you want to eat?  I think we have som--”  

“BANANA PANCAKES!” Evan cuts jared off.

“You want banana pancakes… for dinner?”  Jared cocks an eyebrow, moving to the dark mahogany cupboards to pull out bowls and pans.  

“Is there ever a bad time for banana pancakes?” 

“Well no I suppose not.”  

Just then Jared’s phone started buzzing, he picked it up without looking at the caller ID.  

“Insanely cool Kleinman speaking!”  Evan giggled at the greeting.

“Jared? It’s Heidi, you called me yesterday. About Evan breaking his arm? He’s not answering his phone. Is everything okay? Well, I mean, obviously it’s not. But do I need to take off work and come get him from you?” She rambles when she’s worried and Jared can’t help but notice she sounds a lot like Evan. 

“He’s fine. Well he’s a little drugged, but he’s mostly fine. Do you want to talk to him?” Before she can answer, Jared’s already handing the phone to Evan. He’s not sure it’s the best idea, but it probably won’t hurt.

“Hi mom, it’s me the insanely cool Hansen speaking!” Evan greets cheerily trying to copy Jared but realizes it’s not nearly as funny. He frowns slightly, not happy with the fact that Jared’s greeting was so far superior. Evan spins the chair again and then fumbles to keep a hold of the phone dropping it and catching it while turning speaker on by mistake. 

Heidi’s reply is loud enough now so that Jared can hear it from his spot across the room, “Hey Evan. How’s your arm?”

“It’s great. Jared’s here. Mom why’re you shouting at me?” Evan holds the phone away from his ear with a distrusting expression on his face.

“I’m not…?” 

“Yeah, you are. You’re voice is really loud.” Evan turns to look at Jared seriously for backup. Jared’s lips are pursed, trying to hold in a laugh. With a huff Evan puts a hand over his mouth and spins the chair so his back was to Jared. 

“Mom, I have a secret for you but you can’t tell Jared. Okay?” He’s not really whispering, but Jared’s not really inclined to correct him, interested in what he’s got to say.

“Honey, isn’t Jared in the room with you?” 

“Pft, don’t be ridiculous mom. He’s gone. I can’t see him.” Evan says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world while covering his eyes. Heidi just sighs in response and makes a noise indicating that he should continue. 

“Jared is  _ so  _ sweet when he takes care of me mom. Even if he did call me an acorn.” Evan mumbles the last part distractedly, not really meaning to include it in his secret, but it just slips out. “He’s  _ so  _ nice mom. He’s making me banana pancakes just because I asked and he lets me cuddle with him just so I don’t sleep on the floor and when he worries his nose does this cute thing where it scrunches up and it pushes his glasses up on his face.” 

Jared doesn’t think Evan took a breath the entire time he was speaking, and he’s sure he’s not breathing now. Hearing Evan say all those things about him was simultaneously the best and the worst thing possible. Evan liked him. Or at least he thought he was cute. But that wasn’t the plan. The plan was Jared would nurse Evan back to health… and then what…? Evan would just be okay with them going back to being ‘family friends?’  Or maybe friends this time around? Yes, jared hoped for that… Just friends though.  

Belatedly, he realizes that Evan’s been speaking to Heidi the entire time, telling her he was fine staying with Jared until Monday. To be fair, it wasn’t like Jared had other plans. Let’s be honest here, it isn’t like he wanted to go back to camp or could. 

Which is how he finds himself taking the phone back from Evan and assuring Heidi that it would be no problem to take care of Evan for the rest of the weekend until she could come get him Monday. An awkward goodbye later, Jared was looking up a recipe for banana pancakes on his phone and wondering why on Earth he thought it was a good idea to let Evan stay here.

“Jared do you think I could maybe… add chocolate chips to mine?”  Jared looked at Evan who had a look that was so vulnerable and said that he might just cry if Jared said no. 

So, like the sap he is, Jared says yes. He even says that Evan can add extra. Then he wants to slap himself because chocolate chips that get baked onto the pan are a bitch to try and scrub off.

Evan claps his hands excitedly and wiggles around in his seat so much that Jared resists the urge to run across the kitchen and steady him. 

“Ev, you can’t do that. I’m worried you’ll fall. And if I’m spending all my time worrying about you I might burn the pancakes and that would suck.” 

Evan nods gravely, acting as if burning the pancakes was the worse offence possible. He’s sitting as still as a statue now, looking at the stovetop concerned, even though Jared had yet to start cooking any of the pancakes. 

Jared turns his attention back to the stove and pours the first pancake in. He jumps, nearly burning his hand when arms go around him from behind and a shoulder rests on his shoulder. Evan’s familiar profile was visible out of the corner of his eye. 

“Uh, what’re you doing buddy?” Jared asks, his voice coming out as more of a squeak than he wanted it to.

“I jus’ wanna be close to you. I dunno.” Evan shrugs and the only reason Jared knows that is because he felt Evan’s shoulders and arms move against his back and sides. 

“O-oh okay,” Jared says, but it’s more of a strangled sound than actual words. 

“The pancakes,” Evan reminds once it starts to bubble. 

Jared turns back to the stove determinedly not focusing on the fact that Evan was pressed up against his back and not inclined to move anytime soon. Apparently Jared was wrong about Evan’s lack of inclination to move because as soon as the first pancakes were done he grabs the plate and makes off with it. Jared protests weakly but ends up just getting out a second plate. 

Once he’s cooked all the batter and Evan’s fully enamored with eating his pancakes Jared takes off upstairs to hide that infernal lion toy that Evan’s taken such a shine to. He ends up settling it on the top of one of the tall shelves in his room, stepping back to make sure it’s not visible from the ground. 

When he comes back into the kitchen Evan runs from his spot by the snack cabinet back to his chair, with the least innocent expression on his face possible. Jared raises his eyebrows questioningly, silently asking just what Evan had been doing. The other boy just grins at him in response. With narrowed eyes Jared approaches the aforementioned cabinet. At first, nothing really seems that different, then he notices the hole where his boxes of Pop-Tarts were. 

He turns to Evan, “alright. What did you do with them?” 

Evan giggles, “I put them--” another giggle, “up. For safe keeping.” 

Jared looks to the top of the cabinet and sees the boxes perched on the top shelf. He turns back to Evan, an unimpressed look on his face. “You know I can’t reach those.”

“That’s the point. That way you can’t eat all of them without me.” He’s grinning cheekily. 

Jared just resigns himself to having to buy more later. Evan clearly wasn’t going to get them down and Jared did not have the energy to climb up there and retrieve them. 

Once Evan had polished off the stack of pancakes and Jared had helped himself to several of them they retreat back upstairs, Jared still grumbling about his toaster pastries and their unfortunate placement. 

Evan frowns deeply when he looks at the bed before turning to Jared with an accusatory look on his face. “Where’s Leo?” 

Jared blinks at him, not quite understanding.

“Leo. My lion. Obviously.” The look Evan turns on Jared is nothing less than a physical manifestation of a scoff and Jared squirms under his gaze. 

“Leo’s in the same place as my Pop-Tarts,” Jared says wryly. 

Evan narrows his eyes. “That’s not funny Jared.”

“I know.” 

“I’m not getting them down.” Evan crosses his arms and lifts his chin in defiance and Jared shrugs.

“That’s fine. Then I won’t go get Leo down.” 

Two could play at this game. And, after all, Jared has always been good at playing chicken. 

“I hate you.” Evan lays on the bed, not uncrossing his arms, which makes it very awkward for him. Jared’s hovering uncertainly behind him, waiting to see if he needed help. He doesn’t say what he’s thinking; that it was for the best that Evan hate him. Even if it was over something as trivial as a stuffed lion. 

But, Jared was never good at doing what’s best, so while Evan’s back was turned he retrieves the cursed lion and holds it down in front of Evan’s face. 

Evan jumps up and turns, flinging his arms around Jared, his cast thumping into Jared’s back uncomfortably. “I don’t really hate you,” he says softly, not letting go. 

“I figured.” Jared grins and waits for Evan to detach himself so he could lay down. 

“I’m sorry I said I hated you.” 

“It’s okay. I forgive you.” 

Evan was curled, mostly on top of Jared’s chest at this point, so Jared wraps his arms around Evan and squeezes tightly. 

Jared resets his alarm and lets himself drift off. 

When they wake up in the middle of the night Jared sleepily shoves the now full water bottle at Evan along with another pill before resetting the alarm and rolling back over.

It’s raining the next time Jared wakes up and he decides that it’s going to be a lazy day. Evan opts to sleep for another four hours so Jared grabs his laptop and pulls up netflix. Thank God his charger and laptop were up here or he’d be so fucking bored right now. 

He’s half way through Moana when Evan wakes up and asks him to restart it. Of course, he does, and they move the pillows and blankets around on Jared’s bed to be able to sit up against the wall and watch the movie. 

When they’re getting ready for bed that night, Jared cannot believe that they spent literally the entire day watching movies, Disney movies no less. 

Since it had been two days, Evan’s pain med dosage scales back to every six hours. As they’re laying down, Jared can already tell it’s going to be a rough night for him. He’s got that jittery feeling that he gets when he has trouble sleeping. 

It turns out his predictions ring true because the next thing he knows, he’s in Evan’s room.  Jared’s arm was stretched out in an awkward angle as he was lying on Evans twin sized bed. He notices that it’s extremely hot and that his shirt is off and tangled in his arm.  His eyes flutter open more as he puts on his glasses, eyes adjusting to the light.  The first thing he focuses on is Evan, looking at him, no, his soulmark with tears streaming down his face.

“Y-you knew?” Evan hiccups.  

“No! Evan, it’s not like that and--”  Jared starts.

“YOU _ KNEW! _ AND YOU LET ME THINK MY SOULMATE HATED ME?  YOU TEASED ME FOR YEARS KNOWING THAT WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER?” 

“No, Evan, I wanted to tell you… I just, I didn’t know where to start.” 

“You ever stop to think that maybe, instead of you not wanting to be with me, that  _ I  _ might be the one who doesn’t want anything to do with  _ you?  _ I mean I know I have low self-esteem, but it’s not low enough to date you.”

“Evan y-you don’t mean that I--I know you don’t”  Jared was sobbing now. 

Evan sneered, teeth bared in an animalistic snarl.  He lets out a cruel, humorless chuckle. “I wouldn’t want anything to do with you. You are the worst possible person I could have had for a soulmate.  I hate you!  Even the Murphy  _ freak  _ would have been better than you.  I mean come on, look at yourself, you’re a nobody!  Ha! I could do so much better than you!  

“I mean face it, Kleinman, everybody touches you, but nobody wants you.  Maybe a miracle will happen, and my unfaded mark will change.  I don’t even wanna look at you. Have fun with your pathetic life, loser.  I wish I could go back and succeed at killing myself, so I don’t have to know the sad fucking information that we are supposed to be together.  News flash Jared, if you haven’t caught on yet, you and I will  _ never _ be together!” He sounds so hateful and vicious and altogether un-Evan, but it was Evan thinking and saying those things.

After voicing all of Jared’s fears aloud, Evan leaves him crying on his bedroom floor.  His soulmate who doesn’t want him because nobody ever will.  Not even the person that was made for him.  The awful things that Evan said were horrible, but what made them hurt the most, was that it came from Evan, the love of his life. 

Jared jerks awake with a heaving breath. He flies upright, Evan sliding off his chest with an unhappy noise. 

Evan blinks up at him, clumsily rubbing his eyes. “Jare? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

He reaches out for Jared’s arm, but lets his hand hover awkwardly in the air when Jared jerks away. “I’m fine!” His voice sounds ragged, even to his own ears and he flinches away. 

“What happened?” Evan’s far enough away that he’s not touching Jared, but close enough that his presence was noticeable. 

“Nothing. It’s none of your business. Don’t worry about it. Fuck off.” He shrugs off Evan’s concern and stands up.

“Jared, I thought we were past this.” 

“Past what?” He whirls around, narrowing his eyes at Evan.

“Past you acting like a douche. I know you’re not like this!” Evan’s standing now too, his face close to Jared’s.

Jared rears back, forcing a snarl onto his face, “but what if I am? You don’t really know me at all, do you?!” 

“If I don’t it’s not for lack of trying!” Evan was starting to sound more angry than concerned, which, as much as it hurt Jared, was for the best. Jared doesn’t know how to respond, but he figures his best bet is a scoff. 

“You--you know what J-Jared. Fuck--fuck you! I don’t have to deal with this!!” Evan’s voice is full of hurt as he goes for the door. 

“E-Evan, w-wait,” Jared calls uselessly, trying to stop Evan from leaving. 

“F-for what? So--so you can say--say some more hurt--hurtful things? I--I don’t under-understand? What--What do you want from--from me?!” His hand is on the front door knob, the bag of meds and paperwork grasped tightly between his cast and his body.

“I don’t--I don’t know…” Jared sounds defeated. 

Evan scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Well, maybe--maybe that’s something you should--you should figure--figure out.”  Evan’s pain meds were making him bold.

And then, like it’s the easiest goddamn thing he’s done all week, Evan opens the door and walks out of Jared’s life possibly for forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so kudos and comments are amazing. (Don't expect every chapter to be this long lol it's gonna be rare but we were inspired.)


	3. I’m Alive (and I feed on the fear that’s behind your eyes.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know.

Evan couldn’t believe he actually thought Jared could be different. Of course he wasn’t. Of course he was the same. It wasn’t like Evan deserved any better. Not to mention that now Evan didn’t have any friends, not even a “family friend” to count on. He was alone.

A horn honking makes him jump and spin around quickly. His head spins, but he tries his best to hide that from whoever was honking at him. It was his mom’s car. She was leaning out the driver’s side window, asking him what’s wrong and why wasn’t he at Jared’s. Evan didn’t have a good answer for her, he didn’t want her to worry more than she already was. 

He climbs into the car, clumsily dodging more questions about what happened. This was not how he pictured this day going. This is not what he wanted this day to be like. But he messed everything up, why should this be any different?

After a few failed attempts at conversation, his mom lets the car fill with a stagnant silence that made Evan’s skin crawl. He knew he disappointed her, he did that a lot. It’s because he’s such a failure. 

They were almost home when Evan’s arm starts to burn. He hastily pushes his sleeve back, trying to see what was causing it. Small, straight lines were drawing their way across his skin. His eyes widen at the implications of this and he starts to shake. 

His mom notices his change in demeanor, parking the car in their driveway and reaching across the car cautiously. “Evan?” 

“My--my soulmate. They’re--they’re--” he shoves his arm towards her, still shaking. She takes it gently, turning it over to look at the marks still scrawling themselves across his skin. 

“Have you tried writing to them? Asking them if they’re getting help? If they need it?” She’s calm, immediately shifting into the role of nurse. Evan takes a deep breath, nodding and taking his arm back. 

“I--I need a mark-marker.” Evan takes off for the house, not waiting to see what his mom said. He digs through the desk drawer that has all the junk in it. There was a handful of washable markers in the back. 

~a few kinky moments earlier~ (comic relief during inappropriate moments)

Jared had well and truly fucked everything up. That was why Evan deserved better. Jared was so fucking useless. He couldn’t do anything right. He needed to do something. Punish himself somehow. He’d thought about stuff like this before, but he’s never had the nerve. Worried that it would be too easy for Evan to connect the dots. 

But it didn’t really matter now, did it? Evan would never speak to him again so he wouldn’t be able connect the dots. Jared just needed something to ground himself. His hands don’t stop shaking until he gets ahold of a razor. From the second it’s in his hands, a deadly calm starts to spread through his blood. This was something he needed right now. 

Evan probably wouldn’t even notice. Evan probably hated him. Especially because he hadn’t written at all since fifth grade. Jared deserved this. He deserved worse than this. The first few times he drags the razor across his arm the calm continues to spread until a thick feeling of panic takes hold in his chest. Evan was panicking. Oh God, what had happened?

It doesn’t recede and it feels like Jared’s heart is going to beat out of his chest. He wants to write and ask what’s wrong. But he doesn’t. Once he manages to push away Evan’s panic and he starts to go back to his arm the feeling only manages to increase. He ignores it until a tingling spreads across the top of his arm. 

The handwriting that appears there is blocky and basically illegible. Evan was having to write with his non-dominant hand. 

**_What happened? What’s the matter?_ **

Jared doesn’t know what to say. He can’t say that he fucked everything up with his soulmate, because that would give too much away.  He grabs a pen off his desk, chewing on the cap.

_ It’s just been a rough day. Sorry for bothering you. _

That was all he was after all, he was just a bother. Something people had to put up with.

**_Have you talked to anyone about what’s happening?_ **

Jared scoffs. Talk to someone about what’s happening? And say what? What the fuck would he even say? Hi my name is Jared and I’m such a supreme fuck up that I’ve made my soulmate hate me and oh by the way, he doesn’t know it’s me because I’m such a coward. 

_ I don’t have anyone to talk to. Anyone I tell would just laugh at me. _

Some of the notes disappear, Evan must’ve been washing them off to make more room to write. He doesn’t write back right away and Jared starts worrying that he’s fucked this up too, even without Evan knowing who he is.

**_I won’t laugh at you_ **

Jared blinks at Evan’s writing. How did Jared get matched with someone like Evan. Jared, who laughs at everything that he doesn’t know how to deal with. Jared who uses cruel humor to protect himself. 

_ I don’t want to bother you.  _

Evan’s reply is almost immediate.

**_You’re not bothering me._ **

A few seconds go by.

**_You could never bother me. I’ve been waiting for you to write to me since that day in fifth grade._ **

Jared’s heart contracts. He could’ve been writing to Evan this whole time. He should’ve been. But he’s fucked everything else up so far. So even if he had written Evan, odds are, it would’ve gone poorly. 

**_My name is Evan btw._ **

Jared was not about to respond with his name so he just says,

_ Nice to hear from you, Evan. You won't have to wait another 6 years for me to write you again. _

Jared face palms from what he just committed to, but Evan does at least deserve the illusion of a perfect soulmate.

**_That’s a relief. It’s  not exactly the most fun when basically everyone writes to their soulmates all the time._ **

Jared feels rotten. He was just trying to protect Evan.

_ I’m really sorry about that. I just didn’t want to force anything on you. _

A warm feeling spreads through his chest and Jared knows that it came from Evan. He wasn’t feeling particularly warm and fuzzy right now, so it had to be Evan’s feeling. 

**_That’s very kind of you, but I just want to talk to you. I know we were in class together in the fifth grade._ **

Jared’s heart starts to beat quickly again, and this time it’s completely his own feeling. He wasn’t sure if Evan would remember that or not. Apparently he did. This was not good. He could narrow it down quickly from that because they were still in school with most of the people from fifth grade.

_ Um, maybe we were? _

Is what Jared settles for. 

**_We were. I remember exactly what happened. They talked about writing to your soulmate and then you wrote to me._ **

Hm. There had to be a way Jared could play this off.

_ That could’ve been a coincidence. _

That said that it wasn’t, but he’d already written it, so it’s too late. He quickly added,

_ I don’t know though, you never gave me a response. _

**_I didn’t know what to say. Sue me._ **

A laugh bubbles its way out of Jared, taking advantage of his surprise. 

_ Maybe I felt the same way. I didn’t know how to talk to you.  _

Which was technically true. Jared had no idea what he would say to Evan to start a conversation when he was being the ‘perfect soulmate’. 

**_You don’t need to worry. I’m sure I’m more awkward than you are.  :)_ **

Jared just stops. He has no idea what to do with the fact that Evan wrote him a smiley face. It probably didn’t mean anything. But it might mean something. 

_ I’m sure that’s not true…  _

Jared just hid his problems better than Evan. Kind of. They just manifested themselves in a different way. If Jared could ever tell Evan, he knows that the other boy would understand. But the moment has passed because Evan’s cleaning his arm and writing back.

**_So, what’s your favorite color?_ **

_ I'm fond of black something about how all the light is absent, I dig it _ _. _

Jared chuckles to himself, wondering if Evan would understand. 

**_cool_ **

_ I’m kidding, I like blue that was a reference sorry... _

**_That’s awesome! (and don’t be sorry! I understood! I just didn’t know how to write the inflection that the character uses!)_ **

Jared’s heart was hurting. Evan was literally perfect.

_ Okay. My turn _ _.  _ _ What’s your favorite band?  _

**_That’s an unfair question!_ **

Jared laughs. Evan was so perfect. He deserved so much better than Jared. 

_ Seriously though  _

**_Oh, I guess Simple Plan. I don’t know._ **

Jared just blinked. He was not expecting that. He figured Evan would be all into stuff like Kelly Clarkson or One Direction or something. It’s not like he even knew Evan all that well. 

**_What about you?_ **

_ Oh. Um. Don’t laugh.  _

**_I swear I won’t._ **

_ I like musicals.  _

Why would Jared tell Evan that? He’s so stupid. Now Evan was going to judge him and think he was weird. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut. He’s so busy berating himself that at first, he doesn’t notice the words scrawling themselves across his arm.

**_That’s really cool! I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a musical all the way through (assuming you don’t mean like a Disney movie haha :)_ **

Evan seemed so much lighter when they were talking like this. He wasn’t like this in person unless he was high out of his mind--evidence; being drugged up from the hospital. He definitely wasn’t like this over text. It was nice to see this more care-free side of Evan. 

_ There are lots of good ones you should google some of them sometime and let me know what you think.  _

There were several that Jared really liked, but he was worried about recommending them to Evan; worried that he wouldn’t like them or think he was weird. 

**_I definitely will! Do you have any recommendations?_ **

Damn it. Jared thought he could get by without having to give Evan ideas of what to listen to. He didn’t want to suggest anything too dark. But, most of the musicals he listened to were pretty dark. 

_ Um, Dogfight is pretty good.  _

**_Awesome! I’ll go look it up in just a second!_ **

_ Cool! _

It felt like a weak reply, but he didn’t know what else to say. This was why he’d never written Evan before. He didn’t want to run out of things to say and then have Evan think it was his fault or think it was because he was boring. When, in reality, it was because Jared was boring and had trouble carrying on a conversation that didn’t have an explicit purpose. 

**_As much as I’d like to stay up and talk, I’m really tired, so I think I’m going to go take a nap. But I’ll talk to you later?_ **

_ Of course. _

‘Of course’? ‘Of course’?? All the things he could say, and he says ‘of course’. God. He was such a weirdo. Evan’s reply is a smiley face that’s only there for a brief time before all of the writing is washed away. Part of Jared was glad that it’s gone. He doesn’t have to confront the fact that he and Evan had spent all afternoon writing back and forth. But, on the other hand, he wanted those precious first few messages from Evan to stay there forever. 

~~~

Evan should text Jared. It was all his fault that they fought. He should’ve just backed off. It’s not his place to force Jared to share. Jared respects his boundaries. Or at least, when Evan tells him to leave something, he’s normally pretty good. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted him and Jared to go back to the way things used to be. But things were never that great, were they? Jared was always kind of distant. 

That was probably Evan’s fault too. He was probably just not a good enough friend. As evidenced by their fight today. He couldn’t even be concerned right. He’d say it was probably a good thing that he’s never heard from his soulmate before, but he couldn’t say that anymore. He could talk to his soulmate about this, except he told his soulmate that he was going to take a nap.

It felt like every time Evan laid down to sleep, his brain liked reminding him of all the ways in which he’d fucked up, even if it wasn’t all that recent. That one time he said a dumb thing three years ago, yep. He remembers that in perfect detail. It was something he desperately wished would go away, but alas, he figures that was normal so it probably wasn’t going anywhere. 

~~~

Jared’s not sure how he got roped into helping with the yearbook booth at class registration. He would’ve been happier moping around at home and writing to Evan, who still didn’t know who his soulmate was. 

His mom just raised her eyebrows at him when he came down in a long-sleeve shirt. She didn’t want to pry into his business if he was having trouble with his soulmate. It wasn’t like she had anything beneficial to say about soulmates anyways. 

She drops him off at school, pointing out Evan when she sees him. Jared makes a noise of acknowledgement, but doesn’t speak to the other boy on the way into the school. Interestingly enough, Evan was also wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Offhandedly, Evan notices that he wasn’t the only one wearing a shirt that covers his arms. 

~~~~

When his mom asked him about it, he told her that it was just going to be cold in the school’s basement--where he and his partner for the yearbook booth would be stationed. When he signed up, it didn’t say who he’d be working with, but he figured it would be someone like Alana. She volunteered for like everything. And, as close as they weren’t, Evan kinda liked working with her because she carried the conversation really well. 

Jared walks into the building just ahead of him and Evan’s heart stops. Jared’s steps falter briefly, but it’s almost too quick to catch. He was probably just here to schedule. Evan needed to stay calm, lest he freak his soulmate out. Evan freezes when Jared stops to talk to the yearbook club sponsor, gesturing to the table and the distinct lack of order forms and signage. 

The sponsor rolls her eyes, gesturing all around before grabbing a blank piece of paper and writing “Yearbooks $35. Pre-order now.” She finally notices that Evan was standing slightly in the door of the cafeteria. With a roll of her eyes, she beckons him over, explaining that he and Jared were to sell yearbooks together until the next people came in to relieve them of their post. 

When they sit down at the table, the silence is tense and awkward. Per the volunteering requirements, they were there fifteen minutes before people came in to pick up their class schedules and get school pictures taken. 

“I--” Jared starts, not sure how to say what he wanted to say. He’s got Evan’s attention now, so he’s determined to finish whatever it is he’s started. “I’m sorry.” 

Evan’s eyes widen and he just blinks at Jared. That was the last thing he expected to come out of Jared’s mouth. After hearing Jared’s apology, all of the thoughts bouncing around his head disappeared. So, he says the only thing he can come up with in a slightly reasonable time, “what?” 

“I’m--I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Especially because you were high as a kite and just being worried and I was a douche. I’m sorry.” Jared rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, wishing that Evan would say something, anything. Even if it’s just to tell him to fuck off or something. 

Instead, Evan just blinks at him, not sure how to process this new information. 

“I’m also sorry that it took me so long to tell you that. I just--I wasn’t sure what to say.” He shrugs and turns back to the table, waiting anxiously for people to start bringing their kids in. In his limited experience, it was mostly parents that wanted yearbooks, not students. 

At first, Evan’s fine with helping parents fill out order forms, they trickle in one at a time and normally they’re cautious enough that Evan doesn’t find their presence too off putting. But, towards the end of their shift, things start to pick up. It was inching towards lunch and more parents were taking off work to meet their kids at the school. 

There was a line at their table. Evan was starting to feel boxed in. He needed to go. Now. Before the panic could get any worse. Jared seems to notice and he calls a teach over, saying that Evan wasn’t feeling good and he wanted to take him to the bathroom at the very least. The teacher nods knowingly, doing their best to help people fill out the forms until the next volunteers got there. 

Jared steered Evan out of the crowded cafeteria, wondering when it had gotten so crowded and how he hadn’t noticed, both the crowd and Evan’s mounting panic. He really was the worst soulmate--no. This wasn’t the time. Evan needed Jared’s complete attention right now. 

“Hey,” Jared says softly, pulling them to a stop once they’re a reasonable distance from the people. Evan stops to look at him, shaking slightly. “Breathe with me, right?” He inhales exaggeratedly, waiting for Evan to mimic him before exhaling. They stand like that for several minutes until Evan sinks to the ground, feeling like his legs can’t support him anymore. 

“What’re you? Why’re?” Evan doesn’t finish either of his questions, but Jared knows where he’s going with both of them. Jared doesn’t answer, instead, sitting down across from Evan, looking at him to make sure he was calming down. 

Evan’s surprised he hasn’t heard from his soulmate yet. Ever since their first “conversation,” whenever Evan had been panicking or had been really upset his soulmate wrote him right away, asking if he was okay. Maybe he just hadn’t noticed and his soulmate had written him while he was distracted. 

He starts inspecting his arms, being careful to keep Jared from seeing them. Because of this, he doesn’t notice when Jared takes out a pen and writes a quick note on the inside of one of his arms. He’s always careful to not write on the arm under Evan’s cast. And when he does, it’s things he wants Evan to know, but that he’s not ready to tell him yet. 

Evan immediately perks up when he notices the familiar scrawl working its way across his arm. After a moment of fruitlessly searching for a pen, he looks to Jared. “Can I--do you--um, pen?” 

Jared understands and tosses Evan the writing utensil he was currently holding. Evan replies to the message, smiling softly and Jared feels like his heart might burst. He did that. Well, kind of. Evan’s soulmate did that. All Jared did, was give Evan a pen. 

Evan writes back, and his message was accompanied by a little doodle of a tree. Ever since their first conversation, he’d taken to drawing Jared a little picture or writing a quote, just to brighten his day. It always made Jared smile, and he appreciated it more than Evan could ever know. 

After a short exchange, both boys are out of free skin, so they elect to continue the conversation later. Once Jared’s sleeves are tugged firmly back into place he looks over at Evan, forcing a snide remark to come out before his guilt stops him, “flirting with your soulmate?” 

Evan goes red, sputtering and throwing the pen at Jared. 

“What kind of kinky shit were you talking about?” Jared hates himself for treating Evan this way, but he just keeps repeating, ‘it’s better this way. It’s better this way. It’s better this way.’ in his head. 

“N-nothing!” Evan stutters out, getting up and getting ready to leave.

“No, Evan, wait. I’m sorry.” Jared’s hands are outstretched, reaching towards Evan, who had paused in the door. “I’d like to be friends again, if--if that’s okay with you?” 

Evan thinks for a moment. “That would be okay.” 

Jared’s answering smile is huge. “Great. We, um, we should hang out more.” 

Evan’s just opened his mouth to reply when his phone buzzes. He makes a ‘just a second’ gesture, checking it. “S-sorry. That--that’s my mom. I’ve gotta--I’ve gotta go.” Jared doesn’t know what to say, so he just nods, once again watching Evan walk away from him.

Things don’t feel so dire this time though. Things might be on the way to the path to things being okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos make our day... credits for the question game go to the musical its kind of a funny story.


	4. You Don't Know (I don't know even know what it is I don't know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys are forced to talk... and Jared and Evan learn that soulmates fight.

Evan was sitting in his bed, pen poised above his leg. How exactly did one start a conversation with their soulmate? It was easy when he was just writing a dumb quote or drawing some stupid little picture just to brighten their day, but to actually talk to them? That was another ballpark entirely.  He decides to go with something simple.

**_Hey._ **

Wow, hey, that’s so stupid. How could he be so stupid? Now his soulmate is going to think he’s a fucking weirdo, and never gonna wanna talk to him again, and he will probably die alone and be the male equivalent of a cat lady!

_ Hey! How are you after earlier? _

Evan lets out a sigh of relief.  Ok, so his soulmate didn’t think he was a loser after all.  Evan lets out a short laugh.  It was just a  _ hey  _ not like he asked them what they were planning to do for the next world war.  

_ Are you okay? _

With a start, Evan realizes that he hadn’t replied to the first message from his soulmate.

**_I’m fine. Just a bit lost in thought_ **

He figures that would maybe, probably be okay. But if it wasn’t, that wouldn’t really be a surprise either. 

_ I know that feeling well. So, cutie, how was your day aside from all that? _

Evan’s face flames. For some reason, being called ‘cutie’ was enough to bring all his thoughts screeching to a halt. He wants to ask, he just can’t get up the nerve. His heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest. 

**_It was good. What about yours?_ **

A few seconds go by, then the conversation picks up on his other leg. 

_ My day was good. Can I ask about what happened earlier? _

It was a free country, kinda. His soulmate could do whatever they wanted. Just cause they asked, didn’t mean Evan had to answer. Oh, who is he kidding, if his soulmate asked, he’d definitely tell them. But, it would be kinda nice to have someone to talk about Jared with. 

**_I was volunteering at school and I had a panic attack because too many people. And_ **

Evan pauses for a moment, trying to figure out what he wants to say

**_My friend who was there was pretty helpful at first but then once I was less on edge he started making fun of me. And I just don’t understand how he can go from being really nice to being rude. It makes him nerve wracking to be around because I can never figure him out_ **

It takes a moment for a response to appear, and Evan strangely feels a foreign emotion like he’d done something wrong, he’s gotten feelings that didn’t feel quite like his own before but there was always a reason or he could blame it on anxiety.  This didn’t make any sense though, he was happy, talking to his soulmate even! 

Evan just decided to shake it off and, while he was waiting, he scrubs the marker off his other leg, not sure if he’d taken up too much room and his soulmate was trying to figure out where to write. They were normally pretty good about not writing under his cast, but that’s probably just because the arm he broke was probably their dominant arm or something. 

_ I’m sorry about him babe, that totally sucks. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.  _

The feeling of guilt was back, even stronger this time. Evan furrows his brows. He didn’t feel guilty about telling his soulmate about Jared. So why did he have this intense feeling of guilt? He chalks it up to an imbalance with something and just goes back to the conversation.

**_Thanks. So, do you want to go back to the question game?_ **

Evan chews on his lip anxiously, hoping that his soulmate doesn’t want him to just go away. 

_ Sure. Who’s turn is it? (That’s not my question if it is my turn lol)  _

Evan frowns, trying to remember who went last the last time they played. With a shrug he just decides to let his soulmate go first. 

**_I can’t remember. You can just go._ **

**_Go as in it’s your turn! Not like go as in leave! That wasn’t what I meant!_ **

Great. Now his soulmate probably thought he was weird and a freak and they’ll never want to talk to him again and of course not. There’s no reason why he’d have a soulmate, especially one who wants to talk to him all the time. 

_ You’re fine, cutie! What’s your favorite number? _

That was an interesting question. Evan has to think for a moment about his answer. 

**_13 I guess. Because everyone ignores it or says that it’s a bad number but it’s really just like all the other numbers._ **

Suddenly, it didn’t feel like this was about numbers anymore.

**_What’s yours?_ **

He rushes to write, not wanting the conversation to take that turn for too long.

_ Well, I dunno, because I don’t know your phone number yet! ;) _

Evan blushes darkly, not sure what to say to that. He’s saved from having to find a way to respond by his soulmate writing back again.

_ Are you an early bird or a night owl? _

Hm. There are lots of ways he could respond to this. 

**_Well, aren’t owls birds?_ **

Evan pauses for a moment, waiting to see what his soulmate has to say about that. 

_ Is that your question? (That was rly funny by the way I'm crying) _

**_No that wasn’t my question. I guess I’m both. My turn, are you a boy or a girl?_ **

He wants to quickly move away from the topic of sleeping, because he knows that he’s got an unhealthy sleep schedule, he doesn’t need anyone else--especially his soulmate--telling him what he already knows. 

_ I’m a boy. Does that bother you (that is my question)? _

Evan sits for a moment. It didn’t bother him really. At least, he didn’t think it did. He supposes that it might bother him and he just didn’t realize it.

_ Are you still there?  _

Evan shakes his head, trying to refocus on the conversation at hand. There was a bit of panic taking hold in his chest, which wasn’t unusual, but something about this time felt… different. 

**_Yes, yes, sorry. No, it doesn’t bother me._ **

The feeling abates and Evan frowns, thinking about everything he knew about soulmates. 

_ Okay, cool. It’s your turn _

His soulmate didn’t seem as chipper anymore. Evan had taken too long to reply and now his soulmate was mad at him and and he’d gone and ruined everything and now he won’t want to talk to Evan again.

**_Oh, okay, are you a morning person?_ **

He couldn’t think of anything else. Of course, he has a million and one questions until it’s his turn, then they all abandon him. 

_ Um, I would not say that I’m a morning person by choice.  _

The reply made Evan chuckle slightly while he waits for his soulmate’s question.

_ What's your middle name? _

**_UGH! Jesus Christ._ **

_ Jesus Christ? Your parents must think highly of you! _

**_Pass!_ **

_ You can’t!  _

**_Fine, it’s Leslie._ **

_ No way!  _

**_Just shush about it okay?  Uh, what’s your name?_ **

_ I change my mind,  passing is totally allowed.  _

**_That’s not fair! You know my name. And my middle name!_ **

_ Hm. okay you can call me A.J. _

**_That’s as good as it gets from you, isn’t it?_ **

_ Unfortunately for right now it is, babe.  But hey, you know my initials! :) _

Evan sighed, he was happy to know his soulmates initials.  Although he wasn’t sure which two.  He was fairly certain that his soulmate would at least give him his first name initial he wasn’t sure if the other was for his last or middle name.  Perhaps he would ask when they were closer.

**_Hm. I suppose that is a silver lining ;)_ **

Evan’s heart feels like it’ll beat out of his chest until the familiar tingling indicates that his soulmate is replying. 

:)   _ Okay, so my turn, right? _

**_Right_ **

Evan chews his lip, not sure what it is that his soulmate would ask now. He’d already asked most of the typical questions. 

_ Do you want me to kick this guy Jared’s ass for you? I totally will. He deserves to have the shit beat out of him for how he treats you.  _

That was not what Evan was expecting. AJ’s vehement defense was something new, but not entirely unwelcome, although he wasn’t a fan of having Jared beat up. Well, to be honest, he wasn’t a fan of violence at all and--wait just a second. Had he mentioned Jared’s name earlier? He didn’t think he had mentioned Jared’s name earlier. That means his soulmate knew who he was, and he knew Jared. If he knew them both, why didn’t he introduce himself? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know Evan, right? Because he had kept writing to him, had kept asking if he was okay and how things were going. 

**_How did you know Jared’s name?_ **

~~~

Fuck. Fucking shit. Jared had fucked up. He had really fucked up. He had fucked up so bad that he should call the Guinness book of records because he was such a fuckup. This was the eleventh hour. Come clean, or tell a lie that will just make Evan even more furious in the long run. There’s one logical choice, but Jared’s known for being a dumbass so he just ignores the question. 

_ If you don’t want me to beat him up that’s fine. I just don’t like him treating you like that.  _

It wasn’t subtle at all. Jared could practically see Evan narrowing his eyes as he tries to figure out just how he wants to respond.

**_How. Do. You. Know. Jared._ **

Jared’s a fucking coward, so, he just doesn’t respond. He ignores the message and collapses back onto his bed. Three words. That’s all it would take to come clean. Three words and the truth would be laid bare, out there for Evan to do with what he chooses. 

_ I am Jared.   _

Jared scrawls this over Evan’s casted arm.

**_I CAN’T READ WHEN YOU WRITE THERE!_ **

Jared could practically feel Evan’s irritation prickling uncomfortably in his chest. Every knee jerk reaction in him wants him to write ‘I know’ but he knows that, that is the worst possible response. He needed to backpedal. He needed to dig himself out of this hole to Mongolia (because as someone had pointed out to him at one point, if you dug a hole straight through the earth, you would not, in fact, end up in China). 

The pen is poised over his arm, not sure what to say to Evan. He didn’t want to come clean--he couldn’t. This wasn’t the right time. This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. If he was going to tell Evan at all, he needed to woo him first so there was no chance of him running after he figures out who he is. 

_ I can explain _

Is what Jared eventually settles for. 

**_Please do._ **

Evan was very different when he could hide behind the soulmate bond, and despite the fact that the irritation was directed at him, Jared liked that Evan wasn’t hiding who he was. Jared was gnawing on his lip, trying to decide just what it was he could explain when his arm tingles again.

**_Any time today would be nice_ **

Despite the situation, it makes Jared chuckle. From the second his pen touches his arm, he’s not sure what’s going to end up on his skin. 

~~_ Don’t get _ ~~

Nope, that wasn’t right. 

~~_ I just need you to un _ ~~

Definitely not. 

~~_ I’m just _ ~~

**_Are you ever going to give me a real answer or are you just going to scribble all over our arms?_ **

_ I’m getting there I swear. It’s just hard to know what to say. _

Jared sighs raggedly, dragging a hand through his hair. 

**_AJ, you’re my soulmate, I just want to know you. I want you to be able to trust me with anything_ **

Jared’s heart breaks. He’s got to do something. But lying will make him feel like a tool and telling the truth will make him feel like an asshole. Why were the choices so impossible!? He needed to talk to someone about this. If this wasn’t about Evan, he’d ask Evan about this. 

_ I was there that day in 5th grade and I saw my smiley appear on you.  That’s how I know,  and I’m not ready to tell you yet because I’m a fucking coward but I just need you in my life, okay? _

It’s a moment before Evan writes back and guilt and nerves start clawing at Jared’s chest, threatening to strangle him. 

**_Breathe._ **

The word appears on the inside of his bicep and Jared finds that he rather likes how it looks there. Before he can talk himself out of it, he takes a picture on his phone, making a note to remember to look up information about getting tattoos. Briefly, he wonders what will happen if he gets a tattoo. 

_ I’m sorry.  _

It felt like Jared couldn’t say that enough. He wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’ to Evan every single day for the rest of his life. Evan deserved to hear it more than that even. 

**_I forgive you. I’m sorry for pushing._ **

_ You don’t need to be sorry. You deserve to know. I’m just too much of a coward to tell you everything at once. _

Jared sits there, anxiously tapping the pen against his thigh. 

**_I understand that better than anyone. I just want to know you. I want more than just cute notes passed in the safety of our bedrooms. I want. Never mind. It’s stupid._ **

Jared just blinks down at his leg, not sure what to say. He could go all self-deprecating with a ‘you don’t want to know me’ or he could ignore it or he could reply honestly. When he was writing with Evan, he was doing his best to be his better self, so that should extend to all of their ‘conversations’. 

_ I want that too. I want to be there for you at all hours of the day. I want us to have that perfect relationship.  I’m just not ready yet. I’m sorry. _

**_Don’t be sorry. You need to take care of yourself._ **

Jared smiles, knowing that those are words that he used to say to Evan all the time. 

_ Thank you.  _

~~~

Evan hated-- _ hated _ \--the first day of school. The anxiety of who he was in classes with, the anxiety of lunch, new teachers, new schedules, new everything. And now he was the freak wearing a cast. 

He hadn’t been in school long when a bubbly girl, Alana he thinks her name is, comes up to him, asking how his summer was. Before he can answer, she’s telling him all about her own summer, saying that she had done all these great things. Before he can get up the nerve to ask her to sign his cast, she’d flitted away. 

From across the hall, he sees Zoe Murphy; she doesn’t hold the same weight over him now, not that he can talk to his soulmate whenever he wants, but he still admires her as a person. 

“Hey, Acorn!” Jared’s voice calls, making Evan jump.

“H-hey Jared,” he greets hesitantly. Jared throws his arm around Evan’s shoulders, pulling him close before stepping back slightly to shout taunts at the only person in the school who might be more of a social outcast than Evan. Connor Murphy. Also known as Zoe’s older brother. Jared shouts some offensive things and Evan reaches out, hesitantly resting his hand on Jared's arm, quietly asking him to stop. 

Connor whirls on Evan, stalking up to him threateningly. Jared steps between them when Evan cowers, blocking Connor’s path. Connor narrows his eyes in response and shrugs, stalking away. 

Jared turns to Evan, a look of concern barely masked on his face. “Are you okay?” 

“I--I, um, I’m okay,” Evan stutters out, not sure if he wants to back up or keep standing there, in Jared’s space, looking up at his surprisingly earnest face. Something about his expression draws Evan in, stopping him from looking away. 

The warning bell draws both of their attention, making the boys spring away from each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always nice!!


	5. Who's Crazy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh, idk anymore.

As the day continued, Evan started noticing that about half of the times he was feeling anxious, it wasn’t because of his own anxiety. His was always there, familiar, a nagging voice in the back of his head, but this--this  _ other  _ anxiousness, it was foreign in a way he wasn’t accustomed to. Although, he supposes, thinking back on it, this wasn’t the first time things like this had happened.

He looked around at his classmates every time this particular feeling spiked, but none of them were betraying anything outwardly. It was very likely that they were just better at hiding it than he was, not everyone wore their anxiety the same way Evan did. Somewhere around fourth period this  _ other  _ feeling spiked and not ten minutes later, Jared came strolling into Evan’s classroom. He was late, and had probably been lost, but the bravado clearly written across his face was a perfect mask of confidence, almost as if he didn’t care that he was late. 

As the teacher just shakes her head and directs him to a seat, the  _ other  _ feeling abates, making it easier for Evan to breathe again. This sudden realization of feelings makes Evan wonder how often his soulmate had felt his anxiety spike over the years. He hated this. Just because they got stuck with someone as useless as Evan as a soulmate doesn’t mean they should have to suffer through his anxiety and all that it brings with it. 

Jared catches Evan’s eye across the room and does something between a wave and a salute and Evan finds himself just looking back, a slightly confused expression on his face. He wasn’t sure what to do with this new, friendlier Jared. Was it too late to wave back? It was probably too late. Because if he waved back now Jared would probably think he was weird and he wouldn’t want anything to do with Evan again. And that would make sense because--

Before his brain could run too far away the familiar tingling spreads up his arm

_ Breathe babe. I’m sure whatever is stressing you is gonna work out _

Evan sucks in a shaky breath and scrawls an even shakier ‘thanks’ underneath it. A quick glance around the room confirmed what he already knew, not a one of them was looking down at their wrists. He desperately wants to write back to his soulmate, ask if they still go to school together. But, the more he thinks about it, he’s not sure he wants to know. Because, if he knows, he’s going to start wondering why his soulmate hadn’t approached him, hadn’t tried to be friends, even if they don’t date. 

_ Focus babe. _

The words that appear across Evan’s inner arm make him blink in confusion. How did his soulmate know he was zoning out? Could they feel it? He didn’t feel any particularly strong feelings right now, none of his own, and none from his soulmate. Evan manages to tune back into the teacher right as she dismisses them for the day. 

As they’re leaving class Jared bumps his shoulder into Evan’s. “Hey Acorn, how’s your day going?” 

Evan blushes embarrassedly at the nickname before shrugging. “It’s o-okay I--I guess.” 

Jared gives him a weird look.  “Oh, okay we still on to hang out at lunch?”

Evan smiles at the thought of spending more time with Jared. 

“I uh, yeah--yes that would um… That would be nice.”  Evan offered Jared a small smile.

“Cool! It’s been awhile. See ya then?”  Jared said idly checking a text.

“Yeah!”

~~~

Lunch came sooner than Jared had expected.  He made his way outside to a small oak Evan and him usually ate lunch by.  As he approached he saw Evan talking to Connor and laughing a strong pang of jealousy hit him and Evan looked up immediately looking confused and then seeing Jared and waving him over with a big grin on his face.  Jared walked swiftly to the boys and sat down on the grass.

“Hey.” Jared offered.

“Hi, Jared! This is Connor as you know.  He and I were just talking and I was wondering if we could all hang out this weekend.”  Evan babbled happily.

“Are you serious Evan?  He pushed you!”  Jared let his bitterness and jealousy shine through for just a second.

“I uh, this was a bad idea, sorry, I need to go.”  Connor looked upset as he got up to go.

Jared felt anger and sadness that was not his own surge through him.

“No, Connor wait, that would um-that would be cool.”  Jared tried to look pleased with the offer which apparently succeeded because Connor smiled and picked at his messenger bag.

“Ok, see you guys then.”  With that Connor left leaving Evan and Jared to their own devices.

“So Acorn, you’re making new friends, huh?” Jared raises his eyebrows at Evan and tries not to notice as Evan looks away, something unreadable on his face. 

“I--I he--I just--” Evan’s mouth opens and closes a few more times before he sighs raggedly and puts his head in his hands, mumbling something unintelligible. 

“It wasn’t really a criticism,” Jared says softly, drawing Evan’s surprisingly steady gaze.

“It--it sounded like--like you didn’t--didn’t really like him--like that I’m fr-friends with--with him.” 

A jolt of insecurity curls inside Jared’s chest, and this time, he can’t tell if it’s Evan’s or his own. 

“I’m just having a less than good day. I’m sorry for taking it out on your new friend.”

The surprised look on Evan’s face shouldn’t hurt nearly as much as it does, but Jared doesn’t say anything, instead choosing to offer Evan one of his Pop-Tarts. Something about the air between them, something about how Jared was holding out the ridiculous, shiny package to him makes Evan notice several things. The first; Jared’s glasses were filthy. Evan was not sure how they were helping him see at all they were so covered in filth. The second, Jared had very pretty eyes behind his utterly disgusting glasses. The third; Evan really wanted to offer to clean Jared’s glasses so that he could see Jared’s pretty eyes better. 

Instead, he smiles a little and says, “so--so did you ever--ever manage to--to get them down then?” 

Jared looks at him abruptly, a laugh bubbling out of him. “No. I took the lazy man's route and bought new ones.” 

Evan rolls his eyes good-naturedly and a warm feeling blooms in Jared’s chest. It was easy to be together like this. Laughing and smiling and joking. 

“I don’t understand how you can’t reach them? I’m not that much shorter than you?” It’s more teasing than wondering and it makes Jared resist the urge to stick his tongue out at Evan. What the hell, he figures. He’s a juvenile person. Might as well. The laugh he gets in response makes him smile and he decides that even if he does look like a five-year-old, it’s worth it to make Evan laugh. 

Jared checks the time on his watch, not wanting Evan to be late back to class. Evan follows his gaze and begins to pack up. Before he can walk off, Jared speaks up, surprising both of them, “send me Connor’s number and I’ll start a group chat.” 

Evan just smiles softly at him before nodding and walking back towards the school building.

~~~

Evan and Connor had just left. Had Connor not been his ride, Jared had a feeling that he would’ve stuck around longer. Surprisingly, Jared actually had a blast hanging out with Evan and Connor. He understood and appreciated Conner’s acerbic sense of humor, and it was just a little fun to see how much made Evan blush a dark shade of pink. 

A little while later his phone chimes with a text from Connor. 

**_To Jared, 4:50 pm_ **

**_‘Thanks for inviting me Kleinman, even if you did invite me under duress.’_ **

He’s got to admit, he thought he hid it a little better than that, but apparently not. 

**_From Jared, 4:52 pm_ **

**_‘NP Murphy. U r not so bad.’_ **

Evan hated when he used text talk. He said that it was physically painful to read. Of course, that meant that Jared used it whenever possible. 

**_To Jared, 4:55 pm_ **

**_‘Same to you. Also, your tree boy says I shouldn’t text and drive so talk to you later I guess.’_ **

Jared tries in vain to keep his heart from galloping out of his chest. Obviously, because the universe hates him, it doesn’t work. His soulmate’s rushed handwriting working itself across his arm.

**_Are you okay?_ **

Jared grinned to himself. 

_ I’m great.  _

~~~

Connor was standing with Jared and Evan at Evan’s locker. Jared had just said something innocuous and slightly offensive that had Connor laughing and Evan chuckling quietly. 

Zoe was watching from the opposite side of the hallway, eyes narrowed. The strange, shy boy--Evan she thinks his name is--had basically adopted Connor, latching onto him and dragging him around with the other louder boy--Jared?

Something had to have happened. Connor didn’t have  _ friends.  _ Connor had the other druggies that he hung out with while he got high. Connor had his dealer. Connor didn’t just have friends. He had to have blackmailed them or something. They wouldn’t just decide to be friends with him out of the blue.  She wished he had genuine friends though, but that was never the case so she knew not to get her hopes up.

Before she can think better of it, her feet are taking her across the hall to the small group. All three boys fall silent upon her arrival.

“Zoe,” Connor says, his voice edging towards cold. 

“Connor.” She replies in a similar tone. How to bring it up? She didn’t want to be totally tactless, but there really was no good way to say ‘hi why’re you friends with him?’. She frowns slightly, “is everything okay over here?”

Evan looks at her confused, “why--why would--wouldn’t it be?” 

Jared’s fingers twitch and Zoe files that information away for further examination later. 

“Just wanted to check in, meet the big bro’s new friends.” She smiles tightly at them. 

“O-oh.” Evan eyes cut towards Connor, looking for some queue to how they should be reacting to this information. 

Connor’s eyes were narrowed, “did mom send you? They’re really my friends. I’m not paying them.” 

Evan and Jared both look between the siblings abruptly, confusion written clearly across their faces.

“Why--why would you--would you be p-paying us--us?” 

“My family thinks I can’t make friends.” Connor grumbles. 

“On the contrary, big brother, I just wanted to see if you guys maybe wanted to hang out after jazz band?”  Zoe needed to look into this more.

“Oh!  T-that would b-be nice!”  Evan smiled looking around not catching the tension.

Just then Zoe got a text.

**_Connor 12:33pm_ **

**_I DON’T NEED A BABYSITTER!_ **

Zoe smiled trying to hide the hurt of her brother thinking she was trying to look after him and not just hang out although it being true. 

“I’ll meet you guys by the band room at 4?”

~~~

Zoe walked out of jazz band with her guitar slung over her shoulder.  As she’s walking out of the music room she finds the boys waiting for her.  She’s surprised to find out that they actually showed up, maybe that Evan kid is just as anxious as he seems.

“Hey!”  She says cheerily as she walks up to the boys.  All she gets is vague sounds of acknowledgement from Connor and Jared, and a nervous glance from Evan as he tugs at the hem of his shirt.  Maybe this was going to be weirder than she initially anticipated she shrugs and walks with the boys to two cars parked next to each other, a beat up old silver Camry and her brothers sleek matte black Lexus.  She hadn’t taken her car to school that day because she was in a rush and couldn’t find her keys.

“So…”  Jared started breaking the silence.

“I was thinking… get this… we all… go… LASER TAGGING!”  And just like that everyone was excitedly talking.  

Zoe was exceptional at laser tag, and Connor knew this so he smirked and shouted. “ZOE IS ON MY TEAM!” 

“Ok, but I’m not going easy on her just because she’s a girl!” Evan elbowed Jared’s side playfully laughing.

“Hey! Just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she’s not good at laser tag!”  Evan scolded. 

“No, it’s okay Evan.  I’m going to kick you ass Kleinman!”  

Connor sat in the background laughing at the three.  Maybe Zoe would get her brother back after all. 

~~~

 

Evan was stressed about midterms, what if he fails?  His mom will probably kick him out, and Jared wouldn’t talk to him anymore, because who would want to be friends with a failure? Evans breathing was starting to pick up oh no not a panic attack not now.  Evan felt someone touch him and a jolt of thrilling electricity sprang through his body.  Jared looked at him and smiled.

“Breathe, okay?”  His voice velvety soft, sending shivers down Evans' spine.

Evan nodded and copied Jared’s breathing.  He finally settled down enough to look up.  He was with Jared and Alana in the library studying for their tests together, Zoe had invited Alana on a few of their adventures and she was now a well-established part of their group.  When she found out the boys were stressed over midterms, she offered to help them study.  After all she is a trained tutor with her own tutoring club! 

Alana looked up at the boys and suggested that they be done for the night, insisting that it had been a productive day and they would nail their midterms if they kept it up.  She packed up and bid them adieu as she walked out.  

Evan looked up at Jared and noticed the faint freckles on his nose. ‘Gosh, he is so cute.’  Evan thought dreamily, he didn’t even bother reprimanding himself because, Jared was indeed cute. Jared walked them to his car and drove Evan home.

“I’m just really h-happy to have you as a friend, Jare.  T-thank you f-for everything.” Evan felt a rush of warmth and happiness come from his soulmate.  ‘Hmm, odd timing’ he thought.  Evan realizes what he just said and turns bright red, he rushes out of the car mumbling an apology, and leaves Jared with so many unspoken words on his lips. 

~~~

The fire alarm was blaring loudly overhead and the screeching rebounding off the walls was giving Jared a migraine. A thick coil of anxiousness had taken root in his chest and he just wanted out of the building. When someone nearly runs him down from behind he whirls around to tell them to fuck off, but the words die on his tongue when he sees Evan standing there, looking both mortified and terrified at the same time. 

“Ev?” Jared’s voice is full of concern as he guides the shaking boy from the building. He was in an intro art class right now, so he could just explain to his teacher what was going on and she’d probably be cool with him going with Evan to his class. If not he’d go anyways. Evan needed him more. 

“Is it okay if I put my arm around your shoulders?” Jared asks softly, not sure what exactly Evan needed right now. He just nods shakily, eyes darting all around as they finally make it out to the front lawn of the school. Once they were away from the blaring of the fire alarm, Evan’s anxiety decreases slightly. Just enough for Jared to notice. 

“Can you breathe with me?” Jared’s still using his soft voice, like one that people use around frightened animals and part of Evan hates it. But the other part of Evan likes that Jared was being so kind. He takes his attention off Evan long enough to explain to his teacher what was going on and how he was going with Evan until he could calm down. She was remarkably understanding about the entire affair, telling them to take all the time they need but to make sure to explain it to Evan’s teacher. 

Evan’s teacher was frantically searching for him by the time they found his class. Patiently, Jared explains what was going on and she just nods, quickly switching her ‘missing one’ sign out for the sign with a checkmark on it, signalling that she wasn’t missing any people and she didn’t have any extras. 

Once Evan was calmed down, he looked at Jared who was still standing with his arm still curled protectively around Evan. The look on his face said he’d fight anyone who dared talk to or mess with them.  Evan tries not to jump when he realizes that he thinks the look on Jared’s face is endearing. Obviously, he doesn’t hide it very well because Jared’s eyes quickly slide over to look Evan up and down and make sure he’s okay. 

“Th-thanks,” Evan says quietly, studying the ground with a ridiculous amount of focus. 

“No problem. You--you know, if you ever need me--er someone to talk you through one of those things, just, you know, come find me or something.” He’s mumbling and looking away from Evan, trying to hide his blush. 

When Evan chances a glance at him, his heart speeds up, Jared was offering to help him through anxiety attacks. Evan smiles softly, jerking his eyes away the moment Jared started to look in his direction. Too late, he realizes that he hadn’t answered Jared. “O-oh. Thanks. A-again. That--that means a lot.” 

~~~

Since the first time they all went Laser tagging, it had become a weekly tradition. All four of them loaded up in Jared’s ‘crappy Camry’ as he had affectionately dubbed it. Although, today was different. Zoe was towing a girl behind her, grinning at the boys as she basically ran up to them, pulling an incredibly uncomfortable looking Alana Beck behind her.   They’d been hanging out for awhile but this was the first time she had been invited to their weekly laser tag match. 

“Alana! I didn’t think you’d take me up on my offer,” Jared says quietly, his voice full of surprise.

Alana pushes her glasses up her nose in a gesture of nervousness, “I wasn’t originally going to, especially since there’s a calculus test next Tuesday, but Zoe caught me after jazz band and convinced me to come along. Assuming that’s not an issue,” she’s quick to give them an out in case they didn’t really want her there.

“It’s not an issue,” Jared jumps to assure her, frowning as he looks at his backseat. “Looks like three of you are gonna have to get cozy though.” 

They all notice Evan try to take a subtle step towards the passenger side door. He blushes darkly, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the pavement. 

“No one cares if you want the front seat Acorn,” Jared says, going around to the driver’s side door. He notices Evan looking at him and glancing away smiling to himself, but Jared also felt a rush of Evan’s embarrassment with it.  Shaking it off for now he calls out, “Load up losers. We’ve gotta get going before the pre-teens take over.” 

Everyone except Alana wrinkles their nose at the thought of the laser tagging place being overrun with over-excited and over-hyper pre-teens. Zoe shudders dramatically at the thought of the last time they took too long getting there. Connor, Alana, and Zoe squeeze in the back, laughing when Connor mumbles something about trying not to touch Alana’s butt while he was buckling in. 

“You’re not the one she wants touching her butt anyways Connor,” Zoe says with a laugh as she winks at Alana who blushes in response. 

“Damn,” Jared mumbles under his breath. “She’s way smoother than all three of us guys combined,” he whispers to Evan who just nods in response. 

Three games of laser tag later the pre-teens start showing up the group decided to head to the Murphy’s house to watch a movie. 

As Jared is driving home, he can’t help but think of all the blushing glances Evan had been sending him all night.  His heart warmed up and he let himself think that maybe Evan would be happy with him as a soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every comment gets a virtual cookie! Every kudos gets a kudos bar!


	6. Not A Chapter! Sorry :(

Hey, guys! We just wanna start off by saying we love this fic and **it isn't going anywhere**!  However, that being said the chapters are going to take a serious dive, one of us just started college and the other is studying for ACTS and SATS, and is focusing on graduating early and doing college apps so we are both very busy.  We will update as often as we can and hopefully, that's enough.  Worse comes to worse we have to do most of our writing during major breaks.  Thanks for the undying love and support and we hope you continue to give it! :) 

Sincerely,

Us.  


	7. OH MY GOD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please!

Guys ok so here's my little deal with you all... If you're in America, call congress and tell them to support net neutrality if you're not in America tell everyone you know from there/ post about net neutrality! If I get only five comments on this chapter of people willing to support net neutrality then I'll go out of my way to have a chapter up by Friday at 8pm est! Also if you comment where you'll be posting and your handle I'll go like and repost all of them! Thank you so so much ily all! Please!!! (P.S. this post doesn't represent dying_is_easy_living_is_harder i haven't consulted her before posting this so this is all me guys.)


	8. Super Boy and The Invisible Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared gets some bad news and might be messing stuff up with Evan?

Currently, everyone was gathered around Jared’s living room table, engaged in a game of Life. Zoe had somehow managed to land on every single lawsuit space and was suing Connor, Evan, and Jared for all they were worth. The only one exempt from her excessive lawsuits was Alana. 

“I call favoritism!” Jared cries outraged. 

Zoe laughs and raises a shoulder daintily, “and if it is?” 

That seems to take the wind out of Jared sails until he spins and finally,  _ finally  _ lands on a lawsuit space. Without having to think twice about it he holds his hand out to her, motioning her to fork over the money. She does, narrowing her eyes at him. If she hadn’t already been suing them ruthlessly he’d’ve been concerned. 

As it turns out, Evan and Connor both got several chances for retribution too, but Alana teamed up with Zoe and the boys all ended the game in debt. In response, Connor throws the little toy car at Zoe while Evan screeches about losing all the little people in the car. Connor looks at him for a split second before picking up one of the buildings off the game board and tossing it at Evan. 

Before Alana and Evan can try to bring order to the group, pieces are flying everywhere. Evan barely avoids being pelted in the face with a bunch of the little people by ducking behind Jared.

“Fear not my little acorn for I shall protect you!” Jared cries loudly, clearly not caring about misplacing any pieces. Zoe was distracting Jared while Connor snuck around the back of the couch to catch him unaware, unfortunately for him, Evan noticed this. Nodding solemnly, like he expected it to come to this--he definitely expected it to come to this--he grabs a pillow off the couch and thwacks Connor on the head with it when he pops up to throw more of the little people at them. 

He blinks at Evan surprised before grabbing another pillow and pointing it at Evan threateningly “you’re gonna get it Hansen! I’m coming for you!” He leaps over the back of the couch, intending to get revenge when a little plastic car bounces off right between his eyes. Everyone turns to look at Alana in surprise from where she was sitting, eyes wide, staring at Connor. 

Zoe is the first to break the silence “NICE!” She holds her hand out for a high five before grabbing a pillow and getting ready to hit Jared.

Evan barely manages to deflect with a swing from his own pillow and he hisses at Jared, “help me!” 

Of course, Jared was too busy staring at Evan to be helpful. All five teens freeze when Ms Kleinman walks into the room, pillows all raised in various states of mid-swing. 

“Jared, can I talk to you in the hall?” she asks, holding the landline to her chest. 

“Ooooohh you’re in trouble,” Zoe calls from where she was now lounging on the ground amidst game pieces. Jared sends a worried glance over his shoulder at Evan before getting up and following his mom into the hall. 

“Your dad called,” she says once they were out of earshot of the other teens. 

Jared immediately turns on his heel, intending to just go back to his friends and their game. He didn’t want to talk to his dad.

“Please Jare, he just wants to talk to you. He says he misses you. He wants you to go visit him and,” she stops for a second, “Linda  for Christmas. He said that you could meet his new family. He and Linda have a couple kids and he says they wanna meet you.” 

“No.” Jared crosses his arms. 

“He just wants to talk to you,” his mom’s voice is pleading.

“Do you just want me to leave?” he’s struggling to keep the defensiveness from his voice. He never thought that his mom would want to get rid of him. The familiar tingling that accompanies his soulmates words spreads across his arm and he ignores it. 

“No! I just want you to have a relationship with your father. Just because he and I couldn’t work things out doesn’t mean you guys can’t have a relationship.” 

“He didn’t just leave _ you _ , mom.” Jared says, walking away. As rude as he knows it is, he can’t keep having this conversation with her.

Evan notices his soulmate getting upset while Jared is away, he frowns wondering what it could be.  By the time Jared comes back all of his friends look at him concerned when he walks through the living room to get to the bathroom. Evan gets up, looking like he was gonna follow Jared before the other boy’s voice calls back to him “don’t even think about it acorn.” 

Dejectedly, Evan sits back against the couch and waits to see what had his soulmate so upset, silently noting the odd timing. He doesn’t have to wait long for a response. 

_ Parents are the worst _

Evan frowns. 

**_Do you want to talk about it?_ **

_ No. _

Evan frowns some more, sadness unfurling in his chest. Of course, he couldn’t even talk to his soulmate right. Of course AJ didn’t want to talk to him. He’d gone and messed everything up and he wasn’t even sure what it was he did. 

_ Wait, I’m sorry. It’s just my dad, he’s been pissing me off lately. _

Evan jerks in surprise when he notices the new writing. He didn’t expect to get a reply after the harsh no.  Although he knows people make mistakes, he thinks he’s seen a whole new side of his soulmate that he never wanted to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heres the chapter I promised, sorry it's late! As always comments and kudos are nice but not required. :-) We'll try to get something up soon but my SATs are this week and IDK about my fellow author!


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